Wednesday, August 22, 2012

August 22nd, 2012

Blake is a week old today! And given the scary situation he faced the other night, he is doing just great.

The doctors havent done their daily rounds yet so I haven't had a chance to get a more detailed summary of how he's doing but the nurses have assured me that he is doing as well as he can and that's all that we can ask for. His vitals are strong, he's still urinating which means his kidneys are functioning and they brought down the ventilator a bit because he's been doing well with the oxygen so they are still going to continue weaning him off. His belly is looking better with each day. It isn't distended anymore and the blue discoloration has started to fade and go back to normal. And this doesn't have anything to do with test results or anything like that but I did notice that he is starting to 'suck' on his fingers and tube which is just adorable. The nurses say its a good thing when they start to suck (even on the tube) because its a way of self soothing.

This has definitely been a roller coaster and its only been a week. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. This year has been nothing but crazy. We got married in February. We had a month to be newly weds before we found out we were expecting Mr. Blake in March. Then we bought a house so we spent all the early summer months packing, moving and unpacking. We were finally getting settled and all of a sudden, preterm labor made its way onto our path and now we are trying to figure out how to continue living our lives with a micro preemie in the NICU.

One of the worst feelings is not being able to take care of your own baby. Even when I sit here in the NICU with Blake I feel so helpless because I have to watch all the nurses do what should have been my job. Don't get me wrong, they are wonderful! I couldn't ask for better nurses to look after Blake but its hard trusting and leaving your newly born baby in the hands of someone else where I have zero control of the situation.

Every morning I drop Ashton off with my mother in law so that I can spend a few hours with Blake at the hospital. Then I bring ashton home for lunch and naptime. By the time he wakes up, its mid afternoon and we only have a few hours to spend together before its bedtime. Balancing two kids under separate roofs is physically tiring and emotionally trying. Plus I feel like we still have so much to do before Blake comes home in December. We still haven't set up his room, or bought all the stuff we need for him because obviously we weren't expecting him here so soon.

So I do apologize if I don't return every text, email, message, phone call or whatever else. It's just that I'm still trying to figure out my place as a mother of two. I appreciate ALL the support. I seriously do. I feel so fortunate that I'm surrounded by so many loving people who care about our family. It means a lot. So please don't think I'm ignoring you or that you are wasting your time and breath. You are ALL so amazing!

By the way, as I was writing this, the doctors came in to give me an update and Blake is doing great! All his labs are having good results and they basically just confirmed what the nurses had told me when I got here. Hopefully Blake can continue making progress! This has definitely been a high point on this crazy roller coaster so I'm going enjoy it.

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