Friday, August 17, 2012

24 Weeks

We successfully reached the 24 week milestone! Theres quite a bit more to look forward to now that I've reached this mark and we can somewhat relax (only somewhat). We are still in a precarious situation but everyday counts and we are thankful for at least reaching the 24 weeks mark.

I know I've already said/wrote about how I could never take life for granted but each day that passes only makes that statement more and more true. I was able to see my son yesterday. And its not that 'im not allowed', its that I've chosen not to because of how emotional I get when I see him. And emotions are great and nothing to be embarrassed about but I don't want my hysterical sobbing when he leaves to start acting up some unnecessary contractions. However, yesterday I needed to see him. As soon as I saw him walk into my room, the happy tears started falling. He came right up and cuddled with me for a few minutes. But keeping a 21 month still is a whole other feat so needless to say, Patrick didn't allow him to sit with me as soon as he started wiggling. But it was amazing just to be able to see and hear him. It's funny because I decided to be a stay at home mom so that I wouldnt miss a thing. I wanted to see every milestone he met. Crawling, walking, talking. I wanted to be there for every moment no matter how big or small. And I thank god that I have been able to do that up until now. But even this past week that I've been in the hospital makes me realize how much and how quickly they grow and learn. I feel like I'm missing out on so much! His vocabulary has like doubled and he's picked up more quirky and adorable little trademarks.

Hearing him call and reach for me kills me. Saying goodbye is the most heartbreaking thing I've had to endure. Seeing his little hands reach out for me while he cries is a mental picture I will carry for the rest of my life and one that instantly brings tears to my eyes. I hit rock bottom when he left last night. Every emotion that I've tried to tuck away was set loose and I was a sobbing mess. But through it all, it made me realize that I need to keep fighting on. I knew once I got the hospital that giving up wasn't an option but seeing Ashton reminded me of how much I miss my family. And as a mother, I need to do everything I can in my power to get my family back to normal. And my normal includes baby Blake. Even though he hasn't made his debut yet, he has left a lasting impression and we have made a future that has him in it. Staying away from my family and my home is hard. But It's worth it because I know I'm fighting for Blake.

It's hard for me to write what about all the medical stuff that we've been dealing with. I had an ultrasound yesterday to check the fluid around Blake and check a few other things like my cervix and what not. I was told at Arrowhead hospital before I transferred that 10cm of fluid is an 'okay' amount of fluid. I had 10cm at arrowhead before I was transfered. When I got to Thunderbird, my fluid had reduced to around 3cm. And as of yesterday my fluid as reduced to 2.9cm. Even though those numbers don't sound too great, they said he has plenty left in there to get him by. He has hiccups yesterday during the ultrasound which is another good thing. They say hiccups count towards breathing points. His heart beat is strong and he is the biggest wiggle worm! The nurses have such a hard time tracking him down when they need to check his heart because he is constantly rolling around and shifting in there. He definitely makes his presence known. He's my little feisty fighter.

Today's plan is to just wait for my doc to give me more orders which will probaby be the same thing as before. "bedrest and antibiotics". Fun stuff. I'll keep this updated as we go.

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