Tuesday, November 27, 2012

November 27th, 2012

Here we are again. Back in the NICU. I haven't updated this blog in a few days so I'll summarize it real quick.

Blake finally graduated into the CCN (the continuing care nursery) on Friday the 23rd. He was doing awesome. The CCN is where the babies go before they are finally discharged. Well, Blake was still on O2 but they were able to wean him quite a bit. And he was doing pretty well with his bottle feedings. He was just having some trouble trying to coordinate sucking, swallowing and breathing all at once. But he was doing it. He really was trying his hardest to figure it out. I started to get my hopes up that he would be able to come home soon.

Monday, Blake started looking a little pale and had no energy which caused him to not eat as well. He was desatting quite a bit and was needing more oxygen to help him out. His nurse thought maybe he just needed some red blood cells and that would give him the little boost that he needed. She told me she would talk to the Nurse practitioner to see what they thought they should do.

I came in this morning to find out that they hadn't given him a blood transfusion yet. His nurse told me that they dont like to give blood transfusions after 36 weeks gestation unless its absolutely necessary. At his age, (3 months actual and 39 weeks gestational) they want him to try and develop his own red blood cells. But today he just seemed worse. He was very pale and really lethargic. He was having trouble keeping his oxygen saturations up and his heart rate would occasionally get up to 200-205. I just knew something wasn't right. But his nurse said they weren't planning on doing a blood gas to see if he needed blood until tomorrow morning.

Patrick and I were at a family dinner for our nephew when I got a phone call from the hospital. The nurse practitioner informed me that Blake had been moved back into the NICU and was back on a ventilator. He was having trouble breathing and was extremely pale so they ran some tests. The blood gas came back with some acidosis which means he is fighting some sort of infection. We don't know what kind yet.

When Patrick and I walked into his room, Blake was as white as a ghost and just limp on the table as the nurses adjusted the ventilator and set up his IVs. I thought we were done with the scares but every fear that I have had in the last 3 and a half months all came rushing back when I saw him. He has come such a long way. We were inching our way towards the finish line but something just had to set us back.

As of now, he has had one lab result come back saying that it is more infection than the lack of blood causing his condition. However they still set him up for a blood transfusion to give him a little boost. He is on some antibiotics in the meantime to start fighting whatever infection he has. They also did an xray but didn't see anything too concerning. He has a fever but his nurse said thats a good thing because it will help burn off some of the infection. All we can do is wait for the blood culture results to come in but that could take a few days. And even then, we'll still be on the same course to recovery. The only difference knowing will make is how long he will need the antibiotics. If his blood culture comes back really bad, then they may do a spinal to see if it is meningitis. But that is worst case scenario. And even if it is that, at least it was caught early and is already being treated.

I am so ready for all this to be over. I want my son to be healthy and I want him to come home. Its been 104 days since Blake has been born and I have been so anxious thinking that our days here in the hospital were dwindling down. This is a huge set back. I cant even express in words how I feel. After everything Blake has been through in these last couple months he finally started to turn the corner. He kepting hitting milestone after milestone and I truly thought he could possibly be home by his due date on the 4th. I finally was able to feel optimistic and breath for the first time. And then this happens. My heart can't take much more of this. I'm back to square one. I'm back to praying for Blake to keep up his strength as he continues to fight and push on like the little trooper he is. 

I just want to cry but I know that won't accomplish anything . I wish I could trade places with him and take his pain away. No parent should ever have to go through this. I'm still trying to figure out how to cope with it all. The feeling of disappointment is overwhelming. He was in his final leg of this NICU roller coaster and here we are, back to not knowing how much time he has left before he can come home.

Please, please, please keep Blake in your thoughts and prayers. I'll keep you guys posted as I get more details.

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